Varia, 8 Years Ago
by suspiciouspersonnumber00
Summary: Just a crack fic about the Varia 8 years ago when Bel joined. Maybe some OOC. No pairings or actual storyline and plot. Lots of crack in short little story chapters. Hope you enjoy it!
1. Chapter 1 the dress

**Ok I wrote this with my friend :) Hope you enjoy :3 **

**Bel - 8**

**Xanxus - 16**

**Squalo - 14**

**Lussuria - 17**

**Mammon - The same**

**Levi - 15**

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Chapter one:

It was a nice and sunny day eight years earlier at Varia Mansion. The birds were chirping, you could hear the quiet gossip of the maids and the scent of cinnamon waffles wafted through the-

"VOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIII!"

Bel was chasing Squalo around the Varia Mansion throwing knives in every direction. "Ushishishishishi!"

"VOOOOOOIIII YOU FUCKING BRAT! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? GO BUG SOMEONE ELSE!" Squalo was dodging Bel's knives and countering with his sword.

"Ushishi the prince may do as he wishes."

"YOU ONLY GOT HERE 5 MONTHS AGO!" Squalo exclaimed. He turned the corner and jumped into his bedroom, slamming his door shut. The teen looked around the room and caught a piece of paper that flew into the air and looked at it. It was a bill for a replacement table that Bel happened to skewer last week. "Voi why did that fucking boss even let the brat join?"

~Flashback 5 months ealier~

_It was a stormy night in Italy. The doors of the Varia Mansion suddenly slammed open with huge a bang. The sound could almost be mistaken as a crack of thunder. The six young Varia members turned their heads to the door, to only see what looked like a silhouette of an eight year old boy._

_"Ushishishi…"_

_"VOI WHO ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU GET PASSED THE GUARDS?"_

_"Ushishi, because I am a prince… I'm bored, let me join the Varia." A small blonde boy drenched with blood and rainwater stepped into the light. His eyes were covered with his straight bangs and a tiara rested on his head. A Cheshire grin was plastered on his as he continued his disturbing laugh._

_A flamboyant teen with green hair stood up and walked over to the... 'guest'… "Ara, why would young boy like you want to join a group of deadly assassins like us?"_

_"I killed my royal family and my kingdom… and now the prince is bored. So let me join," the boy continued to grin, unfazed by how disturbing the information he was providing was._

_A loud teen abruptly stood up, waving his sword in the air, "VOI WHAT MAKES YOU THINK WE WOULD –"_

_"Are you strong?" Interrupted an angry looking teen._

_"Ushishi yes, I am a prince after all."_

~Flashback end

Bel threw a few more of his 'unique' knives at Squalo's door and ran down to the kitchen to find Mammon drinking strawberry milk. "MAMMON!" At the sight of the baby the young boy leaped to hug him. Mammon flew to the side, causing Bel to knock his strawberry milk to the floor. The room seemed to suddenly move in slow motion: the servants who were currently cooking in the kitchen froze and Lussuria who was reading a manga nearby (about who knows what) slowly looked up with a dramatic expression.

Belphgor stood up and shrugged at the Lussuria and the servants' reactions. He jumped into the air and grabbed Mammon into his arms. Meanwhile, Mammon was frozen in place in Bel's arms. The boy rubbed his cheeks against the baby's 'puffy' (as he liked to describe it) cheeks, "Ushishishi, play a game with the prince!"

"Unhand me, Belphagor," Mammon monotonously said, angry about his milk still covering the floor.

Bel ran in circles with Mammon in still in his arms, "Muu, but the prince is bored. The loud shark is being mean and won't play with me," he pouted.

"No."

Lussuria looked back up at Mammon, "Mammon-chan you better play with Bel-chan before he starts killing the servants again." The chefs in the kitchen froze at the teen's remark but quickly scurried back to making a new glass of strawberry milk for the very unhappy Varia officer. "And remember that costs money."

The arcobaleno sighed, "fine, but only for a short amount of time. I am then going to go count my money."

"YAY!" Bel spun hand in hand with Mammon running in circles.

Xanxus suddenly burst through the doors, "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SCUM! I AM TRYING TO SLEEP! AND WHERE IS THE STUPID SHARK?"

"Ushishi in his room being stingy." Xanxus quickly stormed out and you could here the stomping fade away for another thirty seconds. "MAMMON LETS PLAY HIDE AND SEEK!"

…

~An hour before dinner~

Lussuria oddly crept up the stairs, a balaclava on his head, wearing a black jumpsuit and a suspicious trash bag over his shoulder. He performed some forward rolls, somersaults and extreme parkour to Squalo's room. Quietly opening the sleeping teen's (why? Squalo's a tired person. Xanxus did just give him shit load of paperwork because he was too lazy to do it) door, Lussuria walked over to the bed and opened the trash bag.

…

~Dinner~

All the Varia officers were sitting at the dining table eating their dinner besides Squalo and Xanxus. Bel was kicking legs, too short to touch the ground, and poking Mammon's cheek with his knife who was sitting next to him. Levi was eating like a 'normal person' but probably thinking of new ways to stalk his beloved boss. Lussuria suspiciously giggled after a maid called down Squalo.

The dining room door suddenly opened and the boys stared wide-eyed at the silver haired teen. Squalo was wearing blue baby doll shoes with white frilly knee socks, a blue and white Lolita dress fit perfectly on him and a blue hair ribbon sat on the side of his head. "Voii what are you staring at?"

Bel spit his food in Levi's face and fell to the ground, rolling on the floor laughing. Levi began shouting angrily at the young boy and Mammon just continued eating his food. Lussuria began squealing as he handed Squalo a mirror.

"VOOOOOOOIIIIII WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT LUSSURIAAAAAAA!

~End of Chapter 1~

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**If you want to see the clothes Squalo was wearing, the links are on my page**


	2. Chapter 2: Rapist much?

**Thank you for the follows and favorites! Btw when I went over the last chapter I said a friend wrote this with me. By that I mean a friend is writing this whole fic with me haha Hope you enjoy!**

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~Chapter 2~

It was a nice peaceful night in Varia castle. Everyone was finally asleep, in their beds at 1:05am. Or so we thought… dun dun DUUUN!

Bel woke up to a loud thud in his room. He silently bent over and slowly looked under his large, ('princely') king size bed. The young boy inhaled deeply, jumped off his bed and slammed the door open running down the hallways. "Noisy shark captain there's a creepy peasant under my bed trying to disturb the prince's sleep! The thing is watch ing me! Wake up! Kill it!" Bel shrieked waving his arms in the air, consequently waking up the Varia officers on this floor (luckily Xanxus was two floors above them). "THERE'S A MONSTER!"

Mammon walked out of his room, phantasma still sleeping on his head. "What are you doing up this early Belphagor? I'll charge you for disturbing my sleep."

At the sight of the 'puffy cheeked' baby the eight year old boy ran straight to Mammon and grabbed him in his arms. Bel refused to let the baby go, treating him as a stuffed toy.

Lussuria walked out of his room in his pajamas and nightcap, "Bel-chan are you scared of an imaginary monster. Who knew even you could have a childish fear."

"VOOOOOOIIII WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SCREAMING ABOUT AN IMAGINARY THING UNDER YOUR BED THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING, BRAT!"

"Squ-chan, you should stop screaming too."

Bel squeezed Mammon closer to his chest and the Arcobaleno continued to frown but didn't resist, "it's real and it's staring at me. Go see it for yourself! Kill it!"

"VOI! I told you don't call me Squ-chan and kill it yourself. You're perfectly capable of doing that!"

Lussuria rubbed his chin contemplating something and suddenly his light bulb flashed. "By the way, where is Levi? He would be up by now complaining about disturbing boss and his sleep."

"Why not check Bel's room?" Mammon suggested And with that the four Varia officers were off.

~Bel's room~

Bel stood at his door still traumatized, clutching Mammon in his arms. "It's under bed…"

Squalo grumbled stepping over Bel's crap, as he liked to call it, to finally reach the large bed. Where did he get so much stuff anyway? The teen lifted up the bed sheet covers to see what Bel had described.

A 'creepy peasant' under the bed staring at him.

Squalo froze and Lussuria gasped behind him. He dropped the covers, rubbed his eyes and picked them back again. Just checking he wasn't imagining it…

"Um…" the 'creepy peasant' muttered.

"See… I told you there's a monster under my bed…"

Squalo growled and violently pulled the 'peasant' out from the under the bed. "WHAT! THE! FUCK! ARE! YOU! DOING! LEVI! VOOOOOOIIIII ARE YOU TRAINING TO BE A RAPIST!?" Squalo exclaimed.

Bel walked over to them with Mammon still in his arms and frowned. "What is a peasant doing in a prince's room without his permission." Cue knife throwing "Ushishishi…"

Levi collapsed to the floor, his life force slipping away at every second that passed. "It… was… Revenge…"

Lussuria gasped, "revenge for what!? This is so dramatic!"

"F-fooooooooood….faaaaace" Levi managed to spit out the words before he slipped into coma.

~End of Chapter 2~


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